all by myself. I'm giddy with the knowledge that I don't have to answer to anyone and I have a few hours until I need to be anywhere.
I begin my usual routine, combing up and down the isles taking in all the wonderful products just waiting to be bought. I find myself reciting in my head, "you don't need that-- keep walking." But how can you not stop and gawk when you are all by yourself with no one to judge you? Hard-- I know!
I try on clothes, pick out this summer's nail polish colors, grab a few bottles of soap and like thunder it hits me.
I have to go to the bathroom right this instant!
I hate having to do doodles in public because... well... it's just awkward-- OK?
I realize that I cannot wait a moment longer so I turn my cart towards the bathroom. At this point I'm annoyed that I don't have a kid with me to blame for the mayhem I'm about to cause in the bathroom.
I fly into the bathroom and to my surprise, its completely empty. Booyah!
Pressure is off and it's time to get to business....
Within seconds about 500 people suddenly need to go potty too and begin to crowd into the bathroom.
I try my best to do some courtesy flushes-- but seriously, that's not helping much.
I finish up and open the door to a ginormous line that has just formed in the ladies room. How can I do this gracefully?
I choose denial and immediately divert my eyes to the floor. I do the hand wash of shame and pray that I won't see that poor soul who took my stall anywhere in the store.
I want to yell out, "I'm so sorry! It just happened! I'll go buy you some air freshener or something!"
But instead I go about the rest of my shopping kinda low key. A few short isles later I almost plow into my new stall buddy with my cart.
Whoops! Sorry.... again.
It's time for me to leave.
I HATE getting the trots in public! So embarrassing!