Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The Trots

I'm at my favorite store today (Target of course) and I'm all by myself.  I'm giddy with the knowledge that I don't have to answer to anyone and I have a few hours until I need to be anywhere.

I begin my usual routine, combing up and down the isles taking in all the wonderful products just waiting to be bought.  I find myself reciting in my head, "you don't need that-- keep walking."  But how can you not stop and gawk when you are all by yourself with no one to judge you?  Hard-- I know!

I try on clothes, pick out this summer's nail polish colors, grab a few bottles of soap and like thunder it hits me.

I have to go to the bathroom right this instant!

I hate having to do doodles in public because... well...  it's just awkward-- OK?

I realize that I cannot wait a moment longer so I turn my cart towards the bathroom.  At this point I'm annoyed that I don't have a kid with me to blame for the mayhem I'm about to cause in the bathroom.

I fly into the bathroom and to my surprise, its completely empty.  Booyah!

Pressure is off and it's time to get to business....

Within seconds about 500 people suddenly need to go potty too and begin to crowd into the bathroom.


I try my best to do some courtesy flushes-- but seriously, that's not helping much.

I finish up and open the door to a ginormous line that has just formed in the ladies room.  How can I do this gracefully?

I choose denial and immediately divert my eyes to the floor.  I do the hand wash of shame and pray that I won't see that poor soul who took my stall anywhere in the store. 

I want to yell out, "I'm so sorry!  It just happened!  I'll go buy you some air freshener or something!"

But instead I go about the rest of my shopping kinda low key.  A few short isles later I almost plow into my new stall buddy with my cart.

Whoops!  Sorry.... again.

It's time for me to leave.


I HATE getting the trots in public!  So embarrassing!


d.n.williamson said...

Will it make you feel better if I share an even more embarassing story? When Derek and I were in Vegas "the trots" hit me in the sky walk on our way back to the hotel. We weren't even near a bathroom, and, I was walking fast to hurry before it is too late, but the faster you walk, the faster you make your bowels move...long story short, I duck into the first bathroom we see and whip my pants down as fast as I can, and still, don't quite make it. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas? Not anymore...it is on Leca Unplugged for all your followers to see! Well, I used a bunch of diaper wipes to wipe off my pants/undies as best I could and wore my backpack REALLY low until we got back to the hotel.

annie said...

Oh My Gosh! I hate using public bathrooms for the same reason - you should only ever have to poop in the privacy of your own home!

Anonymous said...

Just stumbled upon your blog and love love love this post. How true this is!!! I use to have gallballder issues and we will leave it at that!-Tracie

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