Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Confessions

Things I should have never bought and the pain that they have caused me...
I love you red shoe. You are so beautiful but oh so painful. You make my feet hurt within two seconds of our reunions. You should have stayed at the store shiny and new sitting on your high shelf for all to see.
Pretty pretty clearance vase you were suppose to inspire and uplift my drab downstairs bathroom. Instead you torture me with your glares of I told you so from your hidden corner home.
Big bouncy pink ball, you were suppose to melt the pounds from my big bouncy butt. Instead you play with my kids and take up lots of space. Trader!
Stridex and dry skin cream, you promised me soft heals when you appeared on Oprah. You sit in the back of the cupboard and stare at me and my cracked heals. You are too messy and too tiring at the end of the day. Please go away!
Super hip scarf; you match nothing I own. I cannot spend another dime on your existence. I will find you a new home with someone who doesn't get sweaty and itchy whenever you are on them.
Clearance dress... that's all you ever were to me. One joyous moment, late at night, you left me with remorse and a twin of you in black. You are corduroy and short sleeved... that should have been my first red flag. You shame me every time I look in my little girl's closet.
Crafting projects that mock me laying unfinished. You turned out to be too much work. You will be turned over to my mini crafting princess to play with. We had dreams, but they are gone now.
Healthy grain bread that promised to make me skinny. I hate you and your taste. You look uninviting and disgusting next to my fluffy white bread. It's over between us.

6 comments:

connie said...

That a funnnnny post. I loved it.

jae said...

That is really funny. The good news is I know you are not going to save the shoes until they are comfortable or the bread until the squirrels are back and need a treat.(I could go on and on with reasons for you to hang on to every one of those things JUST IN CASE!) At least YOU know when to let go!!

Cheri said...

Spray paint the vase. Put a long sleever under the dress and add a wide belt up high, paired with stretch pants. Mail me that scarf. D.I. the shoes. I've given up on heels. That's all I've got. I think I save too mcuh and you throw out too much. We should be friends....oh wait! We are!

Cassie said...

I'm with Cheri she's got great idea's but I have to say ...what were you thinking on the vase?!?! You could have gone to Yaya's and gotten one just like it for free :)

*Abby* said...

I hate those "have to have" items staring at you everyday! and just like you said, mocking you. Blurg!

Brenda said...

Ha, I've added you to my blog list, so I can see whenever you update - I love your blog and am so glad that Margene recommended it to me!

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