Dirt-- it's really dirty

The boys were invited to a birthday party the other day.  When they got home they were all jazzed and excited about how much fun they had.  So I start asking them questions about the party.

Me:  So did you have cake?  (cause that's the most important part you know)

Rugby:  No

Me:  What?  You they didn't have cake?  What kind of party doesn't have cake?

Rugs:  Oh, they had cake!  But it had dirt and bugs all over it!  It was gross Mom!  I wasn't eating that!

Me:  Do you mean it was dirt cake?

Rugs:  No, it had dirt on the cake.

Goob enters the scene

Goob:  It was totally Oreos and gummy bugs, it wasn't real.

Rugby:  How do you know?  It looked real!

Goob:  Why would they have real dirt and bugs?

Rugs:  That's what I was thinking but you never know.

What kind of world do we live in where Goob is talking sense?

Its dirt cake for crying out loud!  You're a boy, you eat dirt anyway, just eat it already!

Nope.

My boy, he has principles.

5 Ways to Save Your Marriage

I have come up with a list of ideas to help save your marriage.  You might not even know it's in distress until you read my list.  If you aren't taking care of these things you (or most likely your husband) could be slowly poisoning your marriage so listen up!

1.  You must put the toilet paper roll on with the paper coming from the top!  This will save you many many fights and awkward moments in the bathroom.  Trust me!  I've trained the mister and now we live in blissful bathroom harmony.

2.  You must must must squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom of the tube. 

3.  Install two sinks in your bathroom.  This avoids the toothpaste and hair gobs ownership fights all together.  It is also quite convenient when it comes time to spit out your toothpaste and your spouse likes to stand directly in front of the sink blocking your access.

4.  Get a king sized bed.  This one is unavoidably the most essential thing to a successful marriage.  In a queen sized bed (you know the kind you picked out as newly weds who were sure they were going to spend every minute snuggling-- gag gag) you are seriously limited in your space.  Once kids enter into the picture you don't want to risk a quick brush with your husband in a sleepy stooper because he most definitely will interpret this as foreplay.  If you are indeed a mother and in need of your sleep-- you need a buffer to avoid these kinds of mishaps or I promise you your motherhood will blossom again in about 9 months.  Do you see the risk you are putting yourself in here?  I repeat-- a king bed is essential!

5.  Put your dirty underwear in the hamper.  Yeah, I mean all the way into the hamper.  Not next to or beside or even in the same hallway-- all the way in people!  That's just common sense.

Feeew!  I am so glad to have helped you save your crumbling marriages.  It's such a relief to know that happiness will now be spreading around the world because of this fine advice!  Go, enjoy your bliss, you're very welcome!

Meet Goob

This is my son Emerson; he is 5.  We call him Goob around our house because he is a total goober.

My parents keep telling me to stop calling him goober because it will stick.  I've thought about it and I just can't help myself.  He is such a goober!! 

A little while ago, I took Goob to the dentist with his sister.  We are sitting there making small talk with the hygienist while his sister is getting her teeth cleaned and Emerson starts doing the potty dance.

Me:  Em, do you need to go potty?

Goob: No, do you need to go potty Momma?

Me: No

Goob:  Well, I have to check because you pee your pants all the time! 

Me:  What?  (I give him the death stare) No I don't!  Stop talking silly buddy. 

Goob:  Yeah you do Mom.  You pee your pants all the time!

Me:  Em, you know I don't now pleeease stop it!  (more death stares with clenched teeth)

Goob:  Mom pees her pants!  Mom pees her pants!  Mom pees her pants!

I am completely mortified because not only do I NOT pee my pants but the more I try to deny it the guiltier I look. 

My son is being a total moron and embarrassing the heck out of me!  I so wanted to freeze time and smack him in the head.  But instead I smile and pretend that my son isn't being a total goober and try to distract him with my shiny ipod.

The worst of it is; I know this won't be the last time he makes me feel like a complete idiot.  Goob will live to strike again another day.  Ahhh, the subtle joys of motherhood.





No, really... I don't pee my pants.  Geesh!

Almond Poppy Seed Bread

My sister sent me this recipe to try a few weeks ago.  It's been on my list of "to dos" and today was the day.  I was intrigued by the quirky measurements and I thought I'd give it a whirl.  It has that wonderful hint of almond extract that reminds me of Christmas cookies.  It is super yummy!  Give it a try, you won't be sorry.


Poppy Seed Bread

3 cups flour, sifted

2 1/2 cups sugar

1 1/2 tsp salt

1 1/2 tsp baking powder

3 eggs

1 1/2 cups milk

1 1/8 cups vegetable oil
1 1/2 tsp poppy seeds
1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1 1/2 tsp almond extract
1 1/2 tsp butter, melted

Grease and lightly flour two 9x5 inch loaf pans. In a large bowl mix all ingredients, then beat for 2 minutes. Pour into pans and bake at 350 for 1 hour. Pour glaze over hot bread in pans. Let cool before removing from pans.

Orange Glaze

3/4 cup sugar

1/4 cup orange juice
1/2 tsp vanilla extract

1/2 tsp almond extract

1/2 tsp butter, melted

In a small bowl combine all ingredients together. Pour over hot bread or orange rolls.

** Don't look too closely at my bread; it's a little over cooked.  The mister was in charge of taking it out of the oven while I ran to my sister's house.  He heard the timer beep and he just left it because he "figured I would be home soon."  I just love that guy, but he does have a long history of oven issues.

A Little Comic Genius to Brighten Your Day...

This is a clip from one of my all time favorite shows.  This show is laugh-out-loud good.  It's something light and funny to help you keep it real.  Enjoy a little Phil Dunphy and then set him to record on your DVR.  Modern Family on ABC-- it is so worth your time.

I love love love Community on NBC.  This is bringing back the half hour comedy.  This show manages to make fun of life in every stage.  It's comic genius.  Check it out.

My Sweet Sweet Addiction

I know I have a problem.  Perhaps you might even call it an obsession.

Its name is Target.

I think about it daily.  When I arrive in a new city, my first impulse is to locate Target and spread out from there.

When I shop at Target, I like to get myself acllimated by its layout first.  I prefer the layout that has you enter in from the clothing rather than the layout that has you enter at the junk food and cards.  (Yes, I have thought this through with great detail, I assure you.)

I enjoy that Target does not have greeters (like Wal-Mart) and therefore there will be no witnesses to the crazed frenzy in my eyes.

It doesn't matter to me if I have a list a mile long or no list at all.  I can take the store isle by isle and never lose interest.  (although, the end caps of clearance items give me particular joy)

What is it that brings me, and so many others, such joy?

For me, Target is like a soft fuzzy blanket comforting me through my mandatory shopping (i.e. toilet paper and toothpaste) and yet it warms me with its wide selection of stylish items.  I can go for deodorant and come out with a new rug for the front room.  If I need a swanky shirt, I'm sure to find one in the latest style for a good price. 

I dare you to find a soul who doesn't love Target!  It's like unicorns and tasty diet food-- they don't exist!

Click here to go to Target online.  When you get to their page look to the left side and click on the word coupons (or just click here) and print some out for your next visit.  Enjoy!

I just went grocery shopping.

I have nothing to make for dinner!

Is it just me or does this happen to everyone else?

I go to the store, list in hand, plan in mind... and then I come home.  All of those things that looked so promising at the store now look very dysfunctional on my shelves.

Don't get me wrong, we've got a whole boat load of food in the pantry.  I just can't bring myself to want to eat any of it.  Nothing.  Zip. 

The only thing that sounds reasonable is take-out.

I'm not willing to admit defeat and order anything. 

I stare....

I pace...

I probe...

Nothing is changing here except the clock and the crazed looks on my hungry children's faces.

Perhaps cereal isn't that bad of an option.

I'm better than that!  I know I can make something for dinner.

I have a meal plan-- I really do.  I think maybe someone else made it because none of it is speaking to me.

Dinner.  Could you just make yourself just once... please?

Hmmm.... maybe I should go to the store.

Hello Friends!

I'm taking a little trip over to I am momma hear me roar today. I'm guest blogging for Cheri's Soapbox Saturday.

She has an amazing craft blog that will knock your socks off. Whether you are a crafter or not, you'll still enjoy her easy methods to give things that extra touch of style.

Go ahead, just click here. It'll be fun!

The Butt Dial

Butt dialing has become an epidemic in our society!

Yes, yes, cell phones are so amazing blah blah blah, but there is one draw back. It's called the butt dial. That is when you unknowingly dial someones number when your cell phone is in your pocket or purse. The person on the other end of the line hears everything you are doing and says hello about 20 times to try to get your attention. (But you can't hear it cause your butt is covering up the phone-- Geesh!)

Butt dialing has become a real problem for me because my name starts with the letter A. (Yes, my name is actually Aleca but all of my friends call me Leca-- yeah, we're friends.)

I'm not sure how it happens but I get butt called all the time. I have at least three friends who do it to me on a regular basis.

Perhaps you should take advantage of the lock feature on your phone. Just a thought. It could save me the trouble of yelling hello into the phone to get your attention. I do prefer to talk to your face and not your butt.

Although the worst case I've ever seen happened to these two idiots. Just click here.

...and I think I have butt dialing issues. Wowza!

Professional Bikers

Today it was finally warm enough for the kids to ride their bikes to school. They hurried through our morning routine to leave just enough time to make it to school on their bikes.

One of my stipulations is that I have to ride with them. We live about a quarter of a mile down the road from their school and it's busy, without any sidewalks. The road itself isn't in the optimum condition for little kids to ride their bikes, so it makes me nervous.

.

The down side to this is that I actually have to ride my bike with them to school. I am not the most coordinated person and me on a bike just looks wrong. I've had several moms at school giggle as I pass them. It's a little humiliating. But, anything for my kids-- right?

I think I must look something like this...

See... that's me in the front with the frog.

Today I get all ready, with my ducks in a line, and we head off down towards the school.

Rugby is leading the way, much to Breckyn's dismay. She wanted to lead us to school and so she is pestering Rugby that he is going too slow.

Rugby gets ticked and starts slowing down.

We are all starting to get a little close to each other and traffic is whizzing by us.

I yell from the back for everyone to speed up.

Emerson yells back that he is going as fast as he can and that Breckyn is trying to pass him. That is the ultimate insult in a biking line (according to Emerson who is 5).

Em decides to take matters into his own wee tiny hands.

He slams on his breaks!

We all proceed to jam up and crash into each other like dominoes. I'm not so coordinated (as referred to previously).

I'm trying to save the situation (and some face) and I start swerving all over the place to try and regain some control.

So now I'm almost to the crossing guard with a few ticked off kids, my dignity wavering in the wind and cars are whizzing by us.

I hate riding my bike to school.

They would be so dead if the crossing guard (and the entire crowd of people dropping their kids off at school) weren't within ear shot.

Stinkin' kids!

The only thing that is worse than riding the kids to school is me alone riding my bike back home. I look pretty pathetic all alone riding my big pink bike up the road.

Maybe I need a basket.

Yeah, that would make it better.

Burn Baby Burn

As you know, I've had a few spats with the winter blues in the past. I live here in Wisconsin where the sun doesn't shine for months of the year.

In a recent attempt to fight off my sunless days, I've turned to my friend the tanning bed.

The thing about tanning is, it's more fun to do it with a friend. So, naturally I talked the mister into coming with me.

He was a bit hesitant, being a tanning bed virgin, but I talked him into it. The tanning place has beds that last 20 minutes for $6.50. That being said, they do not like to let butt white people into the beds for more than 8 minutes because of the burn factor. Although, they will still take all of your $6.50 no matter how long you sit in the bed. AARGGHH!

I want to get all of the time I can into this trip because I PAID FOR THE WHOLE THING DANG IT! So I smooth talk the lady into letting us each stay in our beds for 12 minutes. (That's waaaaay better than 8 you know.)

I quickly escort the mister back to his room and give him a mini tutorial of what he should do. My main suggestion to him was to keep his light under a barrel so he wouldn't burn his

unmentionables. Then I scurried off to my room to enjoy my 12 minutes of faux sunshine.

12 minutes later I emerge happy and snuggly warm. The mister has enjoyed his brush with vanity and lived through yet another of my hair brained ideas.

Several Hours Later....

B: Dad, are you hot?

The Mister: No

B: 'Cause your face looks really really red.

The Mister: I'm fine.

B: Are you feeling stressed?

The Mister: No

B: Are you sure? 'Cause your cheeks are all red. It looks like you got sunburned or something.

The Mister: Ah, no... I'm not sunburned or anything. Why would I be sunburned? (she knows!!!) I'm just fine.

The Mister quick speed dials me while I'm at the store and quizzes me about my skin. I'm feeling just fine but after a little more prodding from B the mister looked in the mirror.

LOBSTER FEST 2010!

I don't think he'll ever be going with me to the tanning salon again. But at least I almost got my money's worth-- right?

I'm glad you see the positive in this too.

Hey, anyone want to go for a tan?

Orange Juice Cake

I am a sucker for a good piece of cake. I've been looking for something new to add to my rotation for company and I found this.

Maggie at Smashed Peas and Carrots has amazing taste in recipes. I've tried several of her recipes and I have been pleased every time. My absolute favorite is her Orange Juice Cake. I've made it twice and my kids tell me it's their favorite. They keep asking me to make it again. That right there is a miracle. If my kids liked it-- you know it's golden.

Questions for Leca

I'm happy to report that the coupons post struck a chord with many of you. In fact, several of you wanted to know just how I score my coupons.

I have several methods to my coupon madness.

1. I order stuff online. When you order from stores, like Target, they have your mailing address. I'm pretty sure you get added to their mailing lists and wha-la, coupons delivered straight to your door.

2. I like to use the coupons that come with things you've already purchased. Ziploc and Biore are notorious for including coupons in their packaging.

3. I have a coupons swap with my sisters. Long after I have stopped using baby products, I still get coupons sent to me. I clip the ones I know they'll use and in return they send me ones for stuff they know I'll use. It's simple, it's easy and it's an excuse for me to send and receive mail. (You know I love me some mail!)

I'd love to answer any more of your questions. If you have something that you'd like to know about me, a product you'd like me to try, or a question for me to conquer, be my guest. You can leave me a comment or you can email me at taylors@genevaonline.com .

Doggie Doodles

This weekend I had the distinct pleasure of picking up a winters worth of doggie doodles in our yard. The snow melted and revealed a rather disgusting problem in our yard.

I was hoping for something like this...

...but since that didn't work out so well, I used this...

This is my favorite invention for doggies. I can't imagine having to go out there, unarmed, and deal with his unmentionables. EEEEEWWWWWW! Just scoop and go people-- scoop and go. I never have to have direct contact with the nasties. It's a life saver.

I thought this thing was so fun, I started picking up trash in our yard and I even moved out to the road. I was looking around for more things to pick up with it. When I regained my senses, my yard was gleaming and ready for spring to begin.

This summer Rusty and I will be practicing his grip with the scooper...

...or maybe we'll work on his general IQ first.

Coupon Nirvana

You know I love a good coupon. I like to let them accumulate in my wallet and use them all in one big lump. That way I can see all the savings all together and it makes for a more impressive number. It makes me feel like I've won something.

So I go to Target to make my way coupon shopping through the store. (If you have never done this, you're missing out. All you do is take your stack of coupons and buy what you have coupons for.) I had a thick stack of coupons and lots of things on my list.

I finished up and headed for the check out giddy with anticipation of how much I was going to save! I patiently waited for the unsuspecting checker to ask if I had any coupons or gift cards. I told her that I did indeed have some coupons. I whipped out my wad of clippings and wooed her with my stash.

I carefully watched her beep in every last one as my total went down lower and lower. When she finished I had saved a total of $23. I could barely contain myself. I yelled to her, "Did you see that?"

blink blink.

I'm pretty sure she just didn't recognise the numeric significance. So I recited the last few digits of my total and did the math for her again out loud.

blink blink.

Nothing.

I think she had coupon envy. No matter, I'll be back again in a few weeks to shock and awe my way through the check out.

You gotta love a good coupon.

Rough Road Ahead

This is the road I live on. I have lived on this road for 17 years of my life. It has always been bad but as of late, it's getting really really bad. My family has all speculated that the road is horrible and we have wondered when and if the city will do anything about it.

Check. The city took care of the problem. That sign is a huge relief. I consider us very lucky and very warned.

Those aren't puddles those are patches all the way up our road.
Whenever the city has extra road patch they send some guy with a shovel and a truck up and down our road tossing patch like it's a parade. Over the years our road has become more patch than road.


We have always wondered about the city's knowledge of our pathetic road. Now we know they know. The lines have been drawn and now we'll see if they really clean it up or leave the sign to do their dirty work.

Oh, it's on!

Happy Music

Every so often I find a song that makes me want to take on the world. The music fills me with an instant exhilaration and my good mood flows. This is one of those kinds of songs. It is an amazing mix of the top 25 songs of 2009. I know I'm a little late to this party but, better late than never. Enjoy!

You can down load it for free at http://djearworm.com/united-state-of-pop-2009-blame-it-on-the-pop.htm

Today the mister and I took a trip to Lowe's. It's one of our favorite places to go and browse.

We didn't need anything, we just went to look.

We combed through the new displays of outdoor lawn furniture. I fell in love with a two man hammock that doesn't catapult its' occupants. We took a quick break to test out my newest infatuation. I must have it.

Then we perused through shovels, rakes, and gardening gloves. I love the idea that all of these items inspire projects around the yard. I could buy a shovel today, take it home and dig a hole for something. Oh the possibilities!

We love going to Lowe's because we just love a project. If we can't think of one before we go, we've got lots of plans by the time we leave.

When we were finished we had visions of gardens, decks, pools, new furniture and casseroles. (They have an amazing magazine selection you know.)

What we really left with was,

a cooking magazine

a new pocket knife

a furniture making magazine

a new grill light

and poster puddy.

I feel a project coming on!

The Night Time Potty Routine

Me: Did everyone go potty?

Kids: Yeeeees Mom!

Me: Are you sure?

Kids: Yeeeeeaaah Mom!

****night time routine commences****

3.5 minutes later....

Kid #1: Moooooom....

Me: What?

Kid #1: I have to go potty.


Of course you do....

An Animal by any other name...

Wouldn't it be nice to be a goldfish?

You get to have dinner sprinkled to you every day.

You would never have to stop doing what you loved best.

Apparently you have a short memory so you would never remember anything bad.

You are in tip top shape because you swim all day.

You can't talk so you won't open your mouth and get yourself in trouble.

But best of all, you have a front row seat to all the action in the house.



I have a theory that everyone resembles an animal of some sort. You can see it in their personality and in some cases, right on their face. For example, I am a squirrel. I am always chasing after my nuts (A.K.A. my kids). I like to scramble around getting everything just how I want it and I'm easily distracted.

What do you suppose you are?

The Sidler Code

There are a few unspoken rules in life.

*

One of them is NEVER EVER sit in a seat right next to someone you don't know.

*

We all know this rule, right?

*

Yet there are a few of you out there that insist on breaking our unspoken code.

*

You know the type... you are sitting in the movies waiting for your show to start and out of no where someone sits right next to you. There are plenty of seats everywhere but this chump decides you have the perfect position and decides to join the party. Uh-- I don't think so!

*

How about the doctor's waiting area. Please please please do not sit next to me with your snotty nosed kid who can't keep their hands to themselves. Eeeeeeewww!

*

Maybe you'd like to sidle up next to someone at the airport. That's a super no no! Everyone is

guarding their bags and trying to enjoy a maximum amount of space before they are going to be stuffed into their seats, forced to be too close to total strangers. Give them a little dignity and some space for heavens sake!

*

The classic is the bathroom stall choice. If there is a huge row of stalls, you never take the one

right next to someone. The rule however does not apply if it's a two stall-er or perhaps if there is a long waiting line. But if neither of those are a factor, you have to give a little space courtesy. The last thing anyone needs is a witness for their doodles. (According to the mister these rules are even more vital at the urinal due to the exposure factor. I can only imagine.)

*

Common sense people!

*

Abide by the code!

*

It's like the rules!

Number 3 was a lie. I don't really give myself a pep talk. I probably should but it seems a little silly to me. Sorry to disappoint but I am truly a huge klutz and I did not rescue the bracelet from the depths of despair. Wrap your brain around that!

Two Truths and a LIE

1. I planned a really fancy date with a super cute boy. It required me to wear a tiny black dress and heals. As we came out of the restaurant we walked down a long flight of stairs. At the top, I tripped on my heals and fell all the way down the stairs ripping my dress and snagging my nylons. I also managed to flash a really lot of people.

2. When my daughter was going to the bathroom in a public place she dropped her bracelet in the toilet after she did her business. I stared at it for a while searching through my brain for options. I finally settled on flushing it and my daughter still has not forgiven me for it to this day.

3. I write notes to myself as a personal pep talk. If I'm unsure of my appearance or insecure about an upcoming event I put post-its up all over my mirror to trick confidence into myself. It works like a charm.


Hmmmm.... what do you think?

Confessions

Things I should have never bought and the pain that they have caused me...

I love you red shoe. You are so beautiful but oh so painful. You make my feet hurt within two seconds of our reunions. You should have stayed at the store shiny and new sitting on your high shelf for all to see.

Pretty pretty clearance vase you were suppose to inspire and uplift my drab downstairs bathroom. Instead you torture me with your glares of I told you so from your hidden corner home.
Big bouncy pink ball, you were suppose to melt the pounds from my big bouncy butt. Instead you play with my kids and take up lots of space. Trader!

Stridex and dry skin cream, you promised me soft heals when you appeared on Oprah. You sit in the back of the cupboard and stare at me and my cracked heals. You are too messy and too tiring at the end of the day. Please go away!

Super hip scarf; you match nothing I own. I cannot spend another dime on your existence. I will find you a new home with someone who doesn't get sweaty and itchy whenever you are on them.

Clearance dress... that's all you ever were to me. One joyous moment, late at night, you left me with remorse and a twin of you in black. You are corduroy and short sleeved... that should have been my first red flag. You shame me every time I look in my little girl's closet.

Crafting projects that mock me laying unfinished. You turned out to be too much work. You will be turned over to my mini crafting princess to play with. We had dreams, but they are gone now.

Healthy grain bread that promised to make me skinny. I hate you and your taste. You look uninviting and disgusting next to my fluffy white bread. It's over between us.

HAIR ISSUES!!!

I am a closet salon hopper. I like to go to different people every so often so that my style doesn't go stale. I figure, fresh person, fresh perspective, fresh style.

Well, sometimes this theory works.... and sometimes it doesn't.

Today, I went out on a limb and tried a new girl. I was super excited to get a different perspective on my dull hair.

I explained exactly what I wanted and then I sat there and watched her do something completely different.

I totally clammed up!

How is it that I can be so assertive in so many aspects of my life but when it comes to my hair I'm a weenie. I don't want to hurt my stylists' feelings. I want them to feel good about their hard work.

That doesn't even make sense and yet I totally do it all the time.

Is it just me?