Friday, September 23, 2011

Traveling Blues

This week, I'm back in my old life.  I'm loving every minute of it.  But to get here-- that's a different story.

I know I'm a complete baby about the traveling process-- but really, it's painfull.

You start by checking in at the desk.  Why is it that the "desk" is always way higher than you are?  Like they enjoy looking down at you-- having power over you?  Then they ask for your I.D. and stare at it, then you, then it-- I see that smirk!  I know I look a little less than glamorous in my license picture-- OK?  Does anyone look good in their license picture-- really?  Must be the perks of the job to see idiot pictures of every passenger.  I'm sure they have some good stories.

Then they herd you through security and strip you of your dignity by taking your shoes and inspecting your half used chap stick.  No one has pretty feet so everyone is walking around curled toed trying to protect their dirty little secrets.  You know, the stinky feet fungused toed kind of secrets you don't want other people sniffing out.  I could do without it based solely on the fact that I don't want to walk across the floor you just fungused up-- nasty!

When you reach your glorious gate then you have to fight for your seat and then wait for them to call your magic "group" to board.  When your "group" is finally called, you glance side to side and gloat that they have called your number before the sorry sap next to you.  Hey, every man for himself in this process.

All confidence is completely destroyed as you walk down an impossibly thin isle, knocking your elbows into seats and heads along the way feeling like a total ape.  When you reach your seat ready to be done with all of this nonsense you are immediately disappointed because it was clearly sized for a toddler.

Seriously?!?  Do they expect you to sit in a 2 inch space and not have that awkward thigh rub-age with your neighbor?  Then there is the silent war over the arm rest.  If you are crafty and insistent-- it's yours.  I never get the arm rest.  So I'm usually hugging my elbows into my sides creating a huge boob crevasse for every one to enjoy.  Geesh!

If your flight is anything like mine-- get comfy because it's going to be a while.  I'm going to go out on a limb and just say-- seat backs should always be upright!  I always ALWAYS get the person in front of me who puts their seat back.  Like I'm not already in the fetal position with my elbows in and my knees to my chest.  Now I get the pleasure of smelling some strangers hair for the next three hours.  Awesome!

Me and airplanes-- we don't get along. 

How about you?  What do you enjoy about traveling?


Catherine Hansen Peart said...

Oh, I hear ya! If I get one more person who thinks it is fine to keep their seat reclined so they can watch a movie more comfortably when everyone has only 2 inches to sit in I may lose it!

Seth + Carlie said...

I always have the worst travel expreiences too. Last time I got a window seat, and this older and very heavy couple wouldn't let me get up to use the bathroom! And I couldn't even put down the arm rest, and was squished up to the window. It was horrible! I am one of those people that has a hard time saying, "Well too bad, and get out of my way because I need to go or need my space."

Brenda said...

Boob crevasse!! Hahahahahaha.

brookie said...

It's even more fun when you take 4 children with you! They like you to board first...WHY!? just so they can get bored and restless 15 minutes earlier!?
I never thought of the fungus toes! Now I'll have to make sure to pack my bleach wipes for my feet when flying! YUCKKY!
Boob crevasses!!!Hillarious!

Xuan said...

Your stories are too funny. For the most part, I don't mind the traveling so much, as long as it's for a short amount of time. I've been on flights that lasted around 14 hours at a time and that's when it gets bad. Because not only are people leaning their chairs back, they're just laying every which way possible.

I Am Momma - Hear Me Roar said...

It's the silent armrest war that gets my. Especially if I'm sitting next to a man with short sleeves and hairy arms. Eeewww!


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