Traveling Blues

This week, I'm back in my old life.  I'm loving every minute of it.  But to get here-- that's a different story.

I know I'm a complete baby about the traveling process-- but really, it's painfull.

You start by checking in at the desk.  Why is it that the "desk" is always way higher than you are?  Like they enjoy looking down at you-- having power over you?  Then they ask for your I.D. and stare at it, then you, then it-- I see that smirk!  I know I look a little less than glamorous in my license picture-- OK?  Does anyone look good in their license picture-- really?  Must be the perks of the job to see idiot pictures of every passenger.  I'm sure they have some good stories.

Then they herd you through security and strip you of your dignity by taking your shoes and inspecting your half used chap stick.  No one has pretty feet so everyone is walking around curled toed trying to protect their dirty little secrets.  You know, the stinky feet fungused toed kind of secrets you don't want other people sniffing out.  I could do without it based solely on the fact that I don't want to walk across the floor you just fungused up-- nasty!

When you reach your glorious gate then you have to fight for your seat and then wait for them to call your magic "group" to board.  When your "group" is finally called, you glance side to side and gloat that they have called your number before the sorry sap next to you.  Hey, every man for himself in this process.

All confidence is completely destroyed as you walk down an impossibly thin isle, knocking your elbows into seats and heads along the way feeling like a total ape.  When you reach your seat ready to be done with all of this nonsense you are immediately disappointed because it was clearly sized for a toddler.

Seriously?!?  Do they expect you to sit in a 2 inch space and not have that awkward thigh rub-age with your neighbor?  Then there is the silent war over the arm rest.  If you are crafty and insistent-- it's yours.  I never get the arm rest.  So I'm usually hugging my elbows into my sides creating a huge boob crevasse for every one to enjoy.  Geesh!

If your flight is anything like mine-- get comfy because it's going to be a while.  I'm going to go out on a limb and just say-- seat backs should always be upright!  I always ALWAYS get the person in front of me who puts their seat back.  Like I'm not already in the fetal position with my elbows in and my knees to my chest.  Now I get the pleasure of smelling some strangers hair for the next three hours.  Awesome!


Me and airplanes-- we don't get along. 

How about you?  What do you enjoy about traveling?