We're all gonna die!

I have to tell you that I just love Christmas time.  I mean-- I'm a serious Christmas nut case.  That being said, I have to take a little break and party until after Christmas passes.  I can't handle you guys and all the cookies I just have to eat to make the holiday proper.  You understand-- right?  You're the best!  See you after the holidays...

In the mean time...


We took a little trip to visit some family (another reason for my lack of posts) and Emerson was seriously concerned about our travel plans.

Em:  Mom, I don't think it's a good idea to fly on a plane.

Me:  Well, you know planes are pretty safe buddy.

Em:  Um... what if we crash?

Me:  We won't crash.

Em:  Well, I'm not sitting in a window seat that's for sure.

Me:  Why not?

Em:  Because everybody knows if you sit in a window seat-- you die!

Me:  What?

Em:  If the plane crashes and you're sitting in the window seat you always die.  But if you're sitting in the middle you just get hurt really bad.  I'm never sitting in the window-- ever!

Me:  If the plane crashes we're all pretty much dead anyway.

Em:  Moooom!  Well, at least they have parachutes...

Me:  They don't have parachutes on the airplane.

Em:  Oh no, we're all gonna die!

Fast forward to the trip....

Em:  (Chanting really loudly)  We're all going to die!  There is nothing holding us up in the air!  We're all gonna die!  What was that?  Is this thing really safe?

Me:  Em, you have to pipe down cause you're scaring the other passengers and we're NOT going to die.  People fly all the time and they are just fine.

Em:  OK, but we're so going to die.


Just so you know, we didn't die and we are back safely on the ground. 

I hope you have a very Merry Christmas!  I just love you guys!

I Want...

Have your kids ever wanted something so dumb for a present that you couldn't even bring yourself to buy it?

My kids are amazed and intrigued by the weirdest things at the store.  The other day Zoey picked up a rubber band ball and it spoke to her.  She was immediately attached to the thing like it was magic or something. 

Emerson has been wooed by paper jams.  I can't wrap my brain around that one.  It's paper and it's an instrument?  How is that not going to break in 2.5 seconds?  Really?  The Mister was trying to talk me into buying it for Em for Christmas and I just couldn't bring myself to do it.  Paper music?  No.  Sorry.

Breckyn is immediately convinced she can't live without anything sold on an infomercial.  She has been entranced with the automatic toothpaste dispenser.  It is an instant must have.  What's not to like about hands free toothpaste?  How have we made it this long without it?  She actually pauses TV and makes me come and watch the infomercials so that I can see the urgency of her latest find.  Perhaps we need to take cable away from that kid.
Rugby is my only dependable kid.  He folds when I take him into a toy store.  Once his Grandma took him to the store with a price limit and a whole lot of time.  The decision was too much for him.  After about an hour and a half he declared that he would rather have nothing than have to have some much pressure put on him to decide.  Really?  So he just likes whatever is put in front of him for the most part.

What's the lamest thing your kid ever wanted?  Did you cave and buy it?

Recess

So, I've sorta been avoiding you.  Sorry.

It's been a crazy week here and I haven't had a moment to clear my mind and post for you.  So in an attempt to make it up to you I have some recess drama you might like.

Breckyn announced at the dinner table that someone at school had broken the kid code.  There were gasps around the table.  I looked at Breckyn slightly confused.  She clarified, "OK, so there isn't and actual kid code written out-- but everyone just knows it."  She explained that there was a girl at recess who was ratting out her fellow classmates to the dragon lady (A.K.A. the recess teacher).  The kids stared at her in disbelief.  Rugby demanded that the taddle tale be dealt with.  He came up with a list of ways to deal with her.  (too quickly if you ask me)  I asked if it was a kid that no one liked.  Breckyn assured me that the kid is pretty well liked and that was the weirdest part.  She was going to get to the bottom of and fast before she became the next victim of the recess nark.

My children take recess very seriously.  They get upset when new rules are made and carried out.  They think it should be their free time to run wild and enjoy their friends.  They come home with complaints daily about a certain recess teacher that tries to rule their free time.  They were outraged when the said teacher showed up with printed rules for games around the play ground that she was going to enforce.  Breckyn said she could never bring herself to play four-square again because the new rules were stupid.  Rugby was banned from jumping off the swings in different super hero poses by the recess dragon.  Em had to stop his game of chase the girls and Zoey has been prevented from playing some game where some kids have to walk around with their eyes closed.  (but that one sounded sketchy anyway)

So you can imagine my surprise when one of my kids came home from school a while back and informed me that they were playing pole dancing at recess.  I stared at her with my eyes all bugged out and asked her to say that again.  She said, "I've been playing pole dancing with a group of girls at recess."  I was shocked and abhorred that my little baby was pole dancing at recess-- POLE DANCING!  I asked her if she knew what pole dancing was and she said, "Yeah, it's when you dance around a pole.  We dance and lots of people gather around to watch us.  It's cool."  I tried to tell her that pole dancing wasn't the best thing for her to be doing.  She asked if she could just call it dancing around a pole and that would make it better for me.  I explained to her what pole dancing actually was and her face went white.  "Mom!  I didn't know that!  That's not what I'm doing!"  I banned her from playing with those girls and told her it was probably not a good idea to dance with a pole again-- EVER.

 So dragon lady is enforcing the rules of four-square but pole dancing is OK?  What?!?! 

Perhaps the most entertaining part of my day is hearing all about the recess drama from my kids.  It never gets dull.  It's better than soaps.

Just in case you are wondering, we are fans of the Disney show Recess.  I'll leave you with a clip because if you don't watch it, you should.  It's a kid classic and it's all about-- well, recess.

Dreamy

I have a rule about dreams.  They should NEVER be shared.  EVER.

I'm not talking about the change-the-world-motivational kind of dreams.  I'm talking about the I-just-had-the-craziest-night-sleep kind of dreams.

Have you ever been with someone who says-- I had the weirdest dream?  Or better yet, I had a dream about you last night....   um, awkward. 

We all know that dreams can be weird and anything goes in dream land-- so why try to explain it to someone else?  It will never make sense to someone who didn't dream it themselves.  It makes people feel weird and uncomfortable.  It's like asking someone to pick your back zits-- you just shouldn't do it.  No one really likes it. 

Anybody with me?

What's your most awkward dream conversation with someone?

Sneaky Presents

This is one of my favorite Christmas moments.  I just love Christmas Vacation.

Do you have a place where you hide all of your presents?

Do you leave them out right under the tree?

Do you have to change up your spot every year?

Where is the craziest spot you've ever hidden a present?

My Favorite Things!

I've got a great list this year of things you can't live without...

These are Microloft Sheets from Sleep Number.

I got the Sleep Number flier in the mail the other day and it was filled with fluffy goodness on every page.  Since they were having a sale I decided to take advantage and try these babies out.  Pure HEAVEN!  The Mister love love LOVES fleece and I knew he would love these sheets.  I was a bit worried because I am a sweaty sleeper but they breath really well and we were both comfortable.  It was like sleeping in a giant fluffy cloud.  It was so soft and snuggly.  These are a must have!  They put flannel sheets to shame.  Right now at Sleep Number all bedding is buy one get one 50% off and free shipping or you can use this coupon code. 

To Save 30%* off your total purchase from Sleep Number® bedding collection, use coupon code HOLOWN30

I found these babies the other day at Target.  I'm obsessing over minty chocolate lately which you can read about HERE.  These are another must have for the season.  There is nothing like a little peppermint magic to get you in the spirit of Christmas.

For a little bit of stocking fun I found THIS at the Container Store.  I have quite a few art-sy fart-sy kids at my house and this is kickin' it up a notch.  If your kids love drawing then they will love 3-D drawing even more.  I saved the 3-D glasses we got at the last movie we went to so they would have some good glasses to wear while they doodle.  At $6.99-- it makes for a great stocking stuffer.  If you need more ideas The Container Store has lots of fun gadgets for everyone on your list.

The Mister has picked out his brother-in-law gift early this year.  He saw this at Tractor Supply (also available at Wal-Greens) and almost split a gut.  The saying on the top says, "Grandpa says, If ya got dry lips, put chicken poop on 'um so you don't lick 'um."  Charming right?  For the jokester in your life, try Chicken Poop Lip Balm.  When the Mister checked out, the lady told him in all seriousness that it was actually really good chap stick.  Good to know, but I doubt this will ever touch anyone's lips just because of the title.

I got my William Sonoma catalog in the mail yesterday and it has so many wonderful things.  This PIE MAKER caught my eye.  Yes, a pie maker!  Doesn't it look so cool?  I can think of about a gazillion things I would make with this.  As my mind wondered-- I started thinking about the potential to use it as a burrito maker.  OK, maybe not burritos but at least chicken pot pie-- right?  Oh the possibilites.  William Sonoma is just rediculously fun.
As for my Christmas list?  Well, I'm wishing for this...                 

NOT THIS...

It would be a dream come true.

Happy Shopping and Merry Christmas. 

If you'd like some ways to show your children the real spirit of Christmas head on over to I Am Momma for her week of CHRISTmas ideas.

Are you Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?

You know your kid is smarter than you when she gives you her Christmas list in a power point presentation with pictures and reasons.  She even added fading and funky moves for her words. She was very serious about this list.  Lets just say it's a Christmas list I will never forget.  I grabbed the slides so you could enjoy it too.  Prepared to be wow-ed.

Circles Circles They're No Fun...

My children have a terrible habit of talking me in circles.  It drives me INSANE!  Let me explain.

Em:  The girl that I play with at recess everyday had on snow pants yesterday and it wasn't even snowy.

Me:  What was her name?

Em:  I don't know.

Me:  You play with this girl everyday and you don't even know her name?  I think it's time you start learning other people's names.

Em:  I don't play with her everyday!  She was wearing snow pants Mom!

Me:  You just said, "The girl I play with everyday came to school with snow pants on."

Em:  No I didn't!

Me:  OK, whatever.  So she was wearing snow pants huh?

Em:  Yeah, it was really weird that the girl I play with everyday was wearing snow pants and it wasn't even snowy.

(blink blink)

Me:  Yeah, really weird buddy....



The annoying part is, he's not the only one who does this to me.  They each do it to me on a consistent basis.  They don't even see that they are doing it.  What the heck?

Boys and Church

Today at church I look over and see that Rugby is drawing a picture of a shark with really big teeth.  I started thinking that it would be so much better if her were drawing a cute little peaceful picture-- you know, cause we're in church and all. 

 So I lean over and say, "You know, those teeth look just like points on a Christmas tree.  Why don't you draw a nice Christmas tree for me?"  He looks at me with a smirk on his face and says sure.  So this is what I got... 

When he saw the look on my face he decided to take it a step further...

Ah, the wonderment of boys and church.  It's a beautiful thing.

Jesus Bugs

A few days ago Zoey was telling me what she learned in school that day.  She told me that her class had watched a movie about different things you might find in the rain forest.  She said the one she remembered the most was about a bug who could walk on the water. 

She said, "They called it the Jesus bug in the movie.  Get it Mom?  You know, cause it could walk on the water just like Jesus." 

I assured her that I did in fact get it. 

Then she says, "But it doesn't look like Jesus at all.  The bug needed long hair, a beard and some robes and then they could call it the Jesus bug." 

I look at her as seriously as I can and say, "Come on Zoey, who would sew the tiny little robes for them?" 

She looks at me with equal seriousness and says, "The bug moms would."

I stand corrected.


Dear Jesus Bugs,

     Your title would be a lot more believable if you could grow some beards, long hair and get your bug mom's to sew you tiny little robes.  Just a thought.

Sincerely,

Zoey and her crazy Mom


OK, I feel a lot better getting that off my chest.  I hope they take that advice to heart.

Brain Barf

In an effort to catch up on several posts that have been swimming through my brain, I'm going to do a quick brain barf to bring you up to speed.

This week my parents officially picked up their things and moved to Utah.  Boo Whaa!  Utah is the black hole that keeps sucking in all of my loved ones.  Stupid Utah!

I have been consoling myself with these chocolaty rectangles of goodness.

I'm planning on giving them away as my holiday treats.  Some people spend all day baking.  Not me.  I prefer not to freak people out with the contents of my kitchen.  I figure it's more comforting to get a treat that is sealed properly in a wrapper than something that may or may not have dog hair in it.  I'm a weirdo-- I know.

Oh and yes, I'm officially a psycho dog owner.  I have been Christmas shopping online.  I'm stumped as far as my family members go.  Seriously.  I've got nothing.  So when I hit the wall, I start shopping for dog stuff.  I've found lots of fun stuff for my furry little friends.  My favorite thing is THIS.  I promise this toy is everything you think it is and more.  My dogs are in heaven.  If you don't believe me just watch this...

Big guy and little guy are highly entertained by this amazing invention.  It's a hands-free way to give your dog some exercise.  I'm a big fan of walking my dogs but sometimes they need a little extra something to work their mind and their bodies.  I used it the other night while I made dinner and they were so pooped-- it was awesome.  The laser show has several different pattern settings, speeds and timers to choose from.  It is super sweet and it goes for $35.  The hand held version is $20. 

My hidden talent is finding really great dog stuff.  Shhhh, don't tell anyone or I'll look like a bigger freak than I already appear to be.

I'll be back tomorrow with a few things you'll never believe my kids said.

Thanks for stopping by.

Santa?

Rugby plops down at the breakfast table the other morning and declares, "So there is no Santa Claus!"

I nearly choke on my Eggo and do a quick scan around the table to see his siblings' reactions.  Everyone has their eyes glued on Rugby waiting for more information to back up his outrageous claims.

(blink blink)

I decide to venture further and ask him why he would say that.

He spews out all of the regular arguments and ends with a firm belief that it has to be Mom and Dad.

I asked Breckyn how she felt about that (thinking she is 10 and would probably agree with her little brother by now-- hopefully).  She said she didn't really care what was going on.  As long as she got presents, she wouldn't question any of it.

Then it was Zoey's turn.  She agreed with both Breckyn and Rugby but decided not to tempt fate.  So she went neutral.

Em was the only one left and his answer was simple.  "Rugby is stupid for saying that because he won't get any presents." 

So my children have picked ignorance over information.  Is it wrong that I'm kind of disappointed?  I am bound by the adult code not to go any further with the conversation because they chose not to know.  It's killing me!

This morning Zoey asked me to mail a letter for her.  It was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Clause. She told me she was writing not for toys, but to have their signatures.  She has requested that Santa, the misses and one elf sign, date and return her letter for proof and peace of mind. 

Really?  Really?  You're 9!!!

You guys are killin' me!

Rhett and Link

This is perhaps the most entertaining recipe I've ever gotten.  These guys are whacked-- in a good way.  Watch this while I go make some guacamole.  I have a sudden craving... I'll be right back.


If you are saying-- "What?  Where did she find these guys?"  You have JennRose to thank who sent me the link to THIS after yesterday's squirrel dedication.

Want more?

I thought so.

Check out their fast food folk song.  It's pretty good.  I might try it next time I go to Taco Smell.

Squirrels Can't be Trusted!

 Awwww, who doesn't love a good picture of a cute fuzzy fluffy squirrel?

 My squirrel hating sister-- that's who!  My little sister has an unhealthy fear of squirrels.  Here in Wisconsin there are squirrels everywhere just waiting to get her.  I myself have never felt threatened by squirrel kind but to each his own.  Being the quirky person that I am, I find in incredibly funny to send her squirrel propaganda from time to time.  I can't pass up a squirrel card or a squirrel t-shirt to save my life.  I have to buy it for her.  In fact last year I sent her squirrel pajamas for Christmas.  It's wrong-- I know, but it gives me the giggles.  So bare with me...

It turns out that I have found actual proof that there are squirrel training camps all over Wisconsin.  I think they are plotting to take over our nut supplies.

 In addition, there are squirrel spies that keep track of our every move.  Shifty little buggers if you ask me.

They have been gathering intel so they can blend in among us.

They are everywhere!  No one is safe I tell you!

Be advised, do not-- I repeat, DO NOT attempt to confront them on your own.

They are considered to be armed and very dangerous.

 

These two were caught trying to sneak their acts by in Metropolis and Gotham.  But we can spot a fake when we see one.  Their tails were a dead giveaway.

This one is for you little sis.  I think you were right all along. 

 Squirrels can't be trusted!

Happy Birthday!

Rules to Live By

We're ready to start dinner the other night and I notice that Rugby has an action figure at the table.  He is using it to jump the milk carton and fight things around his dinner plate.  I look at him with my best mom look and I say, "Rugs, what is the number one rule in our family?"

Tim chimes in with, "Never eat yellow snow!"

Breckyn adds, "When you are naked, your first priority is getting dressed!"

Then the list started adding up...

"Always check your shoes for dog poop after you play outside."

"Go potty before we leave anywhere."

"Don't let the dogs out without their collars."

"Close the door when you go outside."

"No hitting."

"No yelling."

"Close your mouth when you eat."

"Put your shoes away."


ah hum...  I was  going for, no toys at the table guys-- but thanks for the list.

Apparently we are no strangers to rules at this house.  LOTS and LOTS of rules.

Megamind

We took the kids to see Megamind this weekend and we loved it!  It was so much fun.  I laughed my guts out.  I knew it was a big hit when Rugby started drawing about it the minute we walked in the door.  It's a must see family movie.  You can check out the preview if you don't believe me.

Comic Genius!  Oh and as a bonus for me-- it's the first short haired heroine I've seen.  It made me love it all the more. 

Do you Snore?

I have always considered snoring to be a man's sport.  Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are many a lady snorer out there but it's just not dainty.

I have teased the Mister excessively about his snoring habits for many years.  He is a mouth breather so his snoring is a special kind of torture.  I make it a point to try and fall asleep first so I don't have to listen to his mouth music ever.

The other day we are discussing his breathing habits and he tells me that I snore too.

WHAT!?!?!

The world as I know it came to a screeching hault.

I told him to take it back in my most offended voice.

He wouldn't.

So I asked him to prove it.  I made him show me exactly what I sound like.

He obliged.

I was horrified!  HORRIFIED!

I told him he must be lying-- it's the only reasonable explanation.

He denied the accusations of his honesty.

So I've been forced to reevaluate the picture of my daintiness.  Could it be so?  Am I suddenly in the Big Momma Club?  Should I start watching football and eating chicken drumsticks?  Should I start wearing sweat pants and scratching myself?  Should I mow the lawn in my underwear too?  Where does it end?

What has happened to me?

Help!  I'm a hideous monster!  Save yourselves!

CSN Winner!

Random.org has chosen a winner....

Congratulations to  #37 BROOKIE.  You won the CSN giveaway.

YEEEHOOOO!  I hope you enjoy your much deserved shopping spree. 

Are we late yet?

This morning I was getting the kids ready for church and it was taking forever.  We started out having a ton of time but by mid-schedule all the spare time had disappeared.  So there I am in the middle of the bathroom with four kids each in different stages of ready-ness and my survival mode kicks in.

Rugby was trying to get dressed in a shirt that had gone through the wash with its' sleeves rolled up.  It was a wrinkly mess.  So I grabbed the straightener (you know, for hair) and pressed the sleeves with that.

Emerson was dancing around in his undies and still hadn't managed to put on his socks in the last fifteen minutes.  I sat on the floor and put the dang things on for him to avoid yelling.

Zoey didn't have a thing to wear.  NOT. ONE. THING.  I took her over and introduced her to her closet where there are in fact clothes there to wear. 

Breckyn was messing with the dogs and had taken it upon herself to start training them right then and there.  A quick redirect and we were almost home free.

By the time everyone was downstairs and ready to go the only one left in jammies was me.  As a mom sometimes we get the short end of the stick.  It's called taking one for the team.  There is a reason I have short hair and mornings like this is exactly why.

So today I am thankful for...

1.  frozen waffles that cook really fast
2.  straightening irons that multitask
3.  wrinkle free black skirts
4.  short hair
5.  clocks that are actually 5 minutes fast  (then you really aren't that late)


What are you thankful for?



Oh, and don't forget to sign up for the CSN Store giveaway below.  And hey, thanks for reading my blog.  I really like you.

CSN Stores Big Giveaway

CONTEST CLOSED

Have you guys ever checked out CSN stores? 

No?

Well, you probably should. 

Just sayin'.

I have a few things that I have been obsessing over lately.  I keep them on my mental list and look everywhere until I find something that fits EXACTLY what I'm thinking of.

The first thing on my list is a new table.  If you've been to my house you know that I have a square kitchen table.  It started out looking like this...

Then we had kids that would bang their forks and run their trucks on the table.  After a few short years the finish was almost completely worn off the top.  So I decided to strip the table and start over.  It turned out like this...

Now that our family is brimming with people, I need a bigger table.  I'd like one with leaves that I can expand when we have company.  Which is almost every Sunday for family dinners.  I have four kids, my sister has 5-- we really know how to fill up a table.  So I've been looking around and I found a few options on CSN like this DROP LEAF TABLE.  

If you are looking for some fun stuff for your doggie they have all sorts of things like this training hoop.  I've been taking our dogs to training classes and I love teaching them new tricks.  I've been working on jump the hoop with Scout and this would be perfect.

If you want something fun for your kids-- oh baby.  A few years ago we bought our kids a bounce house so they could stay active in the winter.  We put it in our basement and the kids were in heaven.  It's time for us to move up a size bigger so this one would be perfect.

So, are you ready to shop at CSN yet?

How about if CSN threw in a $45 gift card and let you pick out what you wanted?  (shipping not included)

I thought you might like that.

If you want to shop all you have to do is...

1.  Leave a Comment

2.  Become a Follower

3.  Blog, FB, Tweet about this giveaway with a link back

4.  Tell me what you'd buy with your gift card

You may leave one comment for each entry and up your chances of winning.  All entries must be in by Tuesday November 2 at midnight.

Happy shopping!

CONTEST CLOSED

Mr. Poopy

Little Miss Thang and I have been spending some quality time together lately.  She comes with her own set of quirks just like every little kid. Her latest is, she finds it disgusting to wipe her own bottom.  Apparently she doesn't care that someone else has to do it.  Where is the sense in that?

We are in Wally World the other day and she needs to go.  So we make our way to the potty.  She sits down and gets to business while I'm trying to organize my coupons.  Then she turns to me and says,  "Hey Luc, I've got a new friend for you.  His name is Mr. Poopy and I made him just for you!  He can be your friend forever and he will always be waiting for you right here in the potty!  .....Um, you can wipe me now."

What can you say to that?  Should I say thank you?  How thoughtful?

This kid cracks me up.  Where does she come up with this stuff?  My new friend... Ha!  I'm still laughin' about it.


Got any great one liners from your little friends?

Hulk Halloween Madness

The mister and I went to our big Halloween party as Betty and the Hulk.  It was a nod to our super hero love.  What can I say, we have issues.


In other news, I've been in a bit of a blog funk.  I'm sure you have noticed.  Things have been hoppin' around our house and I haven't seem to have found some solid time to blog.  This morning it was clip my toe nails or blog-- I went with the toe nails.  Sorry, but it had to be done.  I've been working on a scheme to free up some time but for now, I'll do what I can.

Some of the best things about this blog for me are...

1.  your comments
2.  your comments
3.  putting my stories to life and letting my personality shine
4.  having my kids know me better now and in the future
5.  your comments


So this show isn't over yet.  Stay tuned.  Tomorrow Little Miss Thang is featuring a piece I like to call, potty talk.

Little Miss Thang

My little friend and I went shopping the other day.  The store had all of these really cool glasses and we just had to take advantage of it.

 I snapped a few pictures of her in her favorites and then...

...she took over and got a few of me.

Not too bad for a wiggly four year old and an my iPhone.

Since you all loved little miss thang's song of the week last week, she has decided to let you in on another good car tune.  Her pick this week is called Telephone from Glee.  You can check it out here...