FB

I am all amped up about my latest adventure-- facebook!

I know that this is an amazing haven for so many people. I joined to hopefully up the traffic on this site. I'll have you know that I am so not a facebook person.

(people who are desperately attached to FB please indulge me for a tinsy moment)

I think I was born to blog. I like to have a topic to rant on and I like to let people know about things in an orderly manner.

Not on facebook!

It's this hodge podge of people's thoughts and feelings updated by the minute. Ummm... I so don't care what you are doing in your spare time. I'd like to hear about something a little more lively than you letting your dog out. Where is the humor people? Where are the silly stories and the life lessons? Have a brain barf on someone else's time and quit cluttering up my page.

I'm not getting the connection that so many people feel with this crap site.

(I call it a crap site because apparently that's where all of the crap from people's brain collects.)

I am also a little freaked out by the sheer number of people who are there just yuckin' it up waiting for another person to join and so that they can pounce 'um. It's slightly disturbing.

Just so everyone knows; I'll still be a regular here.

Facebook, I'm not so sure about.

I got a little confused and frankly kinda scared. The only bonus of joining facebook was all the email I got in one day. I think I set my own personal record.

What can I say, it's the little things that excite me.

So for all of you FB nuts. Enjoy! I'm so not on your team.

However, can you please add me as your friend....

Hey, I still have my pride.

Valentine's Day Contest

I'm sure all of you are feeling the squeeze of Valentine's Day. I know I am. I mean seriously, a day where we are suppose to be showing our love and hot-ness to those closest to us.

What it boils down to is yet another day for our men to have an excuse for sex. Yeah, I said it... sex.

So, I try to put on my game face and tackle this Valentine crap head on. I suppose I need to hook up with some sort of "come get me" nightie or something.

I'll tell you what I'd really like to hook up with is a box of this.

Valentine's day has several traditional gifts, lingerie, flowers and chocolates. In order to fit into the lingerie, you have to skip the chocolate. This is feeling less about love and more about torture if you ask me.

What do you think?

Tell me about it and you could win yourself a valentine from me. Just post a comment before midnight February 14th telling me about your valentine's issues. May the best comment win! I'll post the winner on February 15th. Happy Valentine's Day!

You know it's going to be a long day when...

... your kids' school calls to tell you that you have packed a peanut butter sandwich for your kid who has a peanut allergy.

... you go to get dressed only to realize that absolutely every pair of your underwear are dirty.

... your husband asks if you have or haven't showered yet today.

... the UPS guy comes to the door and you aren't wearing a bra.

... you find yourself running down the road with your garbage can to catch the garbage truck that has just rolled past your house.

... you are late for an appointment and you have -0 miles left on your gas tank.

... you have thought about chocolate in some form at least 30 times before 10 a.m.

... your child is sitting in a pile of their own stink smearing it around the bathroom like finger paints.

... your husband calls you to tell you to "take it easy" with the credit card while you are in the check out with your cart piled sky high.

Some days, I'm not even sure why I bother.

Wonder Woman

Yesterday we had our family pictures taken. I was a little surprised to see the out come. It seems that my inner view of myself has been skewed for quite some time. This is how I envision myself... It turns out I actually look a little more like...

It's funny how a few innocent pictures take the wind out of your oh so confident sails. I suppose either way I'm still super. Damn camera...

Things you should know about me

1. I hate clutter. You can keep your old lady statues, stacks of paper and cups of pens. No thank you! I want clear counter tops and half filled closets.


2. Saturday mornings are a gift from heaven. I sleep in every Saturday. EVERY SATURDAY! That means if by some evil fate I cannot, I am not a happy camper.


3. I hate breakfast. It feels gross and wrong to eat something when you can still taste the toothpaste on your breath. I have tried many different solutions to this problem and finally conceded to the fact that I don't like it and I'm OK with that.


4. I love to eat. I do not know of another person on earth that appreciates food quite like I do. I love to cook it, eat it, smell it and think about it. It gives me great pleasure to introduce someone to something so amazingly tasty that they will be my friend for life.


5. Action movies are my secret obsession. If there is a movie with a super hero in it-- I'm there. I can't get enough of it. Most husbands have to find a guy friend to take to the movies. Not the mister. He and I put the release dates on our calendar and count down the days to movie bliss.


6. I like it when things are only about me. Granted, this has only happens to me twice a year. My birthday and my annual gyno visit. Twisted, I know, but still true.


7. I am addicted to paper towels. I like to know that whether I'm wiping off my hands or a table, I will never have to deal with those germs again. It's that simple.


8. Every January I get the itch to take a trip somewhere tropical. I scour the internet looking for deals and possibilities. After a week solid I usually cave and admit that we probably shouldn't spend our money on a vacation. At first this really bothered the mister. He would fret over how to let me down or how to pony up and pay for our circus to travel. Now, 11 years later, he is smart enough to let me dream and come around to this on my own. Evil genius!


9. My dream is to have a staycation in my house all by myself. I would like to have a good solid week. I would clean the entire house top to bottom. I would get to all of those cupboards and closets that I always mean to clean out. Then I would just sit and appreciate the fact that no one is here to mess up my newly cleaned house. I would float with that good feeling all the way up to my big tub and soak away all of my stress. I could read, cook, write and craft and no one would be here to stop me.

10. Remember career day in high school? Back in the day you use to be able to pick a person and shadow them for the day and see what there job is like. I want to do that. Only I'd like to have about 30 different days and just soak in lots of different things that I am curious about.


11. I really like to write. Even better than that, I really like when people read it. Thanks for indulging me.

These are a few of my favorite things

I thought you'd enjoy a few fun things I've found.

I just love these lil' kinz (mostly for the price). My kids are in love with Webkinz and they are the same, only smaller. They have a line of valentines that feature a lil' kinz in a cutie bag. I bought mine at Target for $5. Easy simple valentines for your lil' ones.

This is a laser pointer. It turns out dogs love these things. We stumbled upon this a few months ago and it has become our dogs favorite pass time. He goes nuts over it. It's highly entertaining.

This is the most amazing toothpaste I have ever used. I am always a little nervous that I have kitten breath. This toothpaste blasts my mouth with a burst of foam and the teeth whitening doesn't hurt either. No more kitten breath again.

My kids are old enough to shower themselves but the concept of bar soap has too many complications for them. This foam has ensured us clean parts and no slips or residue.

This is one of my all time favorite winter wonders. Inevitably someone in our family is going to get a cold. This vapor bath is a mild soothing comfort for even your worst colds. I draw a hot bath and let the vapors work their magic. (For a more powerful punch try Vick's shower soothers.)

This peeler is genius. It slides onto your middle finger and transforms your palm into a vegetable peeler. It is very user friendly. I also found this at Target. I love the whole line.

This is my newest love in the craft room. It's by Fiskars. It's a self healing mat with a rotary cutter. It makes scissor cutting a thing of the past. I can cut and sew super fast. It's a small miracle.

Several years ago I would have told you that these crayons were not anything special. Then my youngest came into his writing years and I have given these a second glance. My son doesn't hold his writing utensils correctly. The triangle shape forces him to hold the crayon the right way. It's training him to use the right form. This is a small wonder for our littlest man. Thank you Crayola.

The Swamp Monster

There are times when things don't work out quite as smoothly as they were planned. Case in point; This morning I was scheduled to go to Target and at the designated time I was not yet showered. I had been doing house work and had lost track of time. I weighed my options and it was either skip Target or go unshowered. I really really needed a few things from the store so I opted to just go and hope that I wouldn't see anyone I know. Right there should have been my giant waving red flag. If you hope to be anonymous at the store, the general rule is that you will see everyone you know. But, I ignored my intuition, grabbed a hat and headed out the door. My plan was to slink my way through the isles wearing my sweats with my hat pulled down low in hopes that I would not have to make eye contact with anyone. Inevitably it ended up more like that show, this is your life... Enter, stage left, old friend from high school that you have not seen in years. A few isles down is another mom from school who is looking particularly cute today. Then a friend of your husbands, an old acquaintance from church, or how about the nurse from your last doctor's appointment. You name 'um, I see 'um. Then comes the awkward moment of conversation when you have to choose to ignore the fact that you look like the swamp monster or acknowledge it. Never, NEVER again will I try to do a quickie run to the store unshowered. Although I already know that I will eventually do it again when the embarrassment of this visit has worn off. I have taken the kids to school in swamp monster mode and had to talk to teachers, parents and other kids. My child has announced in front of their class before that, "My mom is still in her jammies! She hasn't showered yet!" Thank you, wonderful child of mine, for out-ing me in front of everyone, just in case there was one or two people left who weren't sure.

And so I'm calling out to all of you overachievers who go to the store, school and other places fulled dressed, make-up on and smiles ready. Please have pity on the rest of us and avert your eyes when we slink by. We want to be invisible. We just need our ding dongs and toothpaste and we will be happily on our way.